If You Fall, You Gotta Pick Yourself Up
By Lynn Gahman - Special to Village News

   Smiles break out on Norman's face as often as sun through San Diego skies. "If I canít make you smile, I haven't done my job," he says. Norman H., 51, has been a resident of Josue Homes for 10 months. He shines a beam of hope to many, both by example and action.

   "My mother was the first black woman in Ohio to have her own radio and TV show. She was my inspiration." Norman works 20 hours a week as a peer advocate for Community Connections, a multi-service resource center in San Diego. He educates clients about medication and provides support for doctorís appointments and follow through with the recovery process. He also volunteers 20 hours per week as receptionist and go-to guy for Townspeople, a non-profit agency that finds affordable housing for HIV+ clients.

  "I'm a volunteer addict," he admits. When he lived in Cincinnati, he wrote to Avon Products, asking them to donate toiletries to HIV+ clients there. "I couldnít believe it,' he says. "They showed up with a truckload."

   He belongs to the National Association of People with AIDS and has lobbied Senator John Glenn. Regarding politicians. He says, "Theyíre sitting there in Washington, and they know about AIDS and they've heard about AIDS, but they need to see a face. So many people are dying."

   "My life has always been understanding that if you fall, youíve gotta pick yourself up," he explains.

   Norman was a gay/IV drug user first diagnosed with HIV in 1984. He was asymptomatic for the first four years. ìI was in denial. In the black community, we donít get AIDS/HIV, We get ëpneumonia. We need not sugarcoat it. I had to educate myself first."

   Full-blown AIDS, including pancreatitis and an inflammation of the heart lining, was his turning point. He stopped using drugs in 1994. "I wanted to live. God isn't ready for me yet. He's got me to do so many things. I might not get it all done, but Iíve opened the doorway for other people." Now he attends Narcotics Anonymous meetings two days a week. With medication twice a day his health is stable.

   "Everything in your life is a learning center,î he believes. Norman was clean from 1994 until last year, when he succumbed to the temptation of marijuana. He complied with Josue Homes' 90 Narcotics Anonymous meetings in 90 days policy to remain in the residence. "Weed has always been my problem," he says. "But it's no longer the challenge it used to be."

   He reached one of his goals, living in his own apartment, in May and pursues another goal of a full-time job. His dream: ìIíd like to rebuild my credit, own a home, get off Social Security permanently, and attain my GED."

   Norman has taught himself computer skills, designed his own website, and is working on his autobiography. He has been published in the HIV Being Alive newsletter. He still gets angry with himself for his health condition. "We walk in silent rage; yet we are strong," he reminds himself on every page of his writing.

   He believes structure is the best part of Josue Homes. ìStructure gives me a pathway to become a better citizen.

   It gives you the groundwork to start all over again."

   His advice to others who are HIV+: "Go forward. Find a support system. Find your Higher Power. Find yourself."

   I left smiling. Youíve done your job, Norman.